Emotionally Unbalanced Postscript

I've been going to a Bible study for the past few months that I have commented on with this blog. It’s interesting to reflect on the criticisms I had about the group and then counter-criticize my criticisms. Well, it’s interesting to me at least.

However, there is something perhaps less than profound that came to me tonight. As much as I like the idea of intellectualism and curiosity, I simply can't ignore the fact that I am an out-and-out Christian. That may sound strange, but I think its a confession that is fundamental to who I am. I've said before that I take an immense amount of pleasure in being free enough to think and talk about anything and everything under the sun (and sometimes over the sun). Usually Evangelicals condemn that kind of curiosity as over-reaching. Likewise, Liberals condone it as escaping the mythical simplicities of religion.

However, I am enmeshed in "religion" as much as I have ever been, perhaps more so. I feel absolutely no shame in attending church every week. I tear up when I hear stories of grace. I sing hymns and repeat liturgies consciously aware that I really do believe the words I am singing or saying. I am unabashedly in support of morality and ethics. I don't believe that everyone is saved, or that all paths lead to God.

Yet, here I am more than willing to debate, hash out, spar, dialog, and share a drink with people who strongly disagree with me on any one of these issues. That is not to say religious people are categorically idiots. But rather, that the assumption is that if you are religious you can't be as intellectually free as the non-religious. I think this is a true assumption on both sides. If I would know better I might take sides between my religious convictions and my intellectual curiosity. But that is entirely missing the point.

I personally love it when people challenge me on my faith and religious convictions. I love it when people assume I can't be both/and rather than either/or. I also love it when religious friends challenge me on my intellectual curiosity. BSF reminds me of that side of the equation. I once had a good friend of mine give me a very high compliment. He said that when people he knew bitterly complained about Christians who were nothing but judgmental hypocrites, he would think of me and several other friends who were committed Christians and thoroughly hypocritical religious freaks that somehow managed to combine faith with intellect. "Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far..."

Personally the paradox is what makes this so interesting. I don't like it when Christians attempt to downplay the contradictions between a child-like faith and rigorous intellectualism. That usually ends up with child-like curiosity that is nothing but a moralizing scienticism devoid of any creativity. Likewise, I can't stand intellectualism that divorces itself from religion because that inevitably leads to a simple-minded characterization of religion that bears little resemblance to reality (and a surprising amount of similarity to Christians acting like simple-minded buffoons).

Someone noted that I am "a pious nerd." I like that. That pretty much sums it up for me. Bring me my Kierkegaard! and let us all repeat the Apostles Creed...